no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
