i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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