I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
