Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
