If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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