the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
