I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
