Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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