My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
