Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
