that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
