around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
