Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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