I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
