i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize