I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
