how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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