I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
