Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
