One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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