He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
