my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
