1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
