Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
