Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
