I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
