the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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