The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
