the condom got lost in my hair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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