Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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