1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You need a sexual gate keeper
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
