My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
