i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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