I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
