My Higher Power is John Stamos
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I skipped work to stalk him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
