it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
