I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
