he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
