I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and she was petting her beer can
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
