So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
