the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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