and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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