I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
