Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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