come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
