So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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