Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
