this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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