This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
