you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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