all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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