I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
