Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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