you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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