never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
