They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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