im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
