Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
