Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
