Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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