some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
