great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize