I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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