I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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