How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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