you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize