I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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