You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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