Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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