What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
