I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
