Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
